Forever
by Lemon Berry
Summary: How long has it been? Three months now? Yup. Three months of living hell. I'm currently single, but it wasn't always like this. I once had a boyfriend; the most perfect boyfriend I could ask for. I thought we would be together forever, but I guess not. Relationships have obstacles, and we just couldn't get over this one. Though what hurt me the most...was how we ended.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! :) Here with a Mortal Instruments one-shot! I hope you guys like it! R&amp;R! **

**Forever**

I lay on my new bed; a phone in one hand, the other shielding my eyes from the deadly world. I peeked at my phone every few seconds, hoping to see it flash brightly with a text that I knew would never come again.

How long has it been? Three months now? Yeah, three months. Three whole months and I still look like this. I, as in Clary. Hello, my name is Clary Fairchild. Currently single. But I wasn't always single. Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend. I couldn't possibly ask for anyone better than him. He was perfect. Jace Lightwood. My first and only love. My heart aches every time I have to talk about him like this with a past tense. But what was done had to be done. We loved each other so much. I thought our love would be eternal. We wouldn't be like those celebrities who thought they had finally found their true love and would be a forever, just to break up dramatically a few weeks later. We truly believed that we would be a forever. It was so perfect it seemed like we were living in a fairy tale. But no love ever goes that smoothly. Everyone has to go on a love ride with tons of little bumps. It'll make your ride difficult and painful. Those are all tests. Tests to see how long you'll be able to stand this love ride. Some people can stay on it forever. However…a few unlucky ones will encounter mountains that are just too high to get past. And when that happens, you have no choice but to get off the love ride. And when that happens, you should be prepared for the worst.

I was one of those unlucky few. The mountain that stood tall in my way was my own mother.

I never thought something like this would happen to me. I never thought I would move. I had always thought I would live in this house throughout my childhood because well, why move? But I did. I still remember the day clearly. I was quietly working on my homework in my room while the radio played in the background. My mom stepped into my room and turned off the radio. I knew something bad was coming the moment the music stopped and silence entered my room. She sat on my bed and gave a small sigh. "Clary," she had said, "We're moving." I couldn't understand back then. Why did she suddenly want to move all the way to Los Angeles? But now, I see why. It was Jace. She wanted me to end it. I could tell my mom never liked Jace. He's not like my best friend, Simon, the sweet, innocent boy that all mothers loved. Jace would be categorized as one of those popular jocks who just don't care about their education in any way whatsoever or one of those kids whose parents just can't control. But he isn't like that. I've told my mom that so many times I've lost count. And each of those times, she tells me something along the lines of, "I can see what you can't see. You may think you're in love, and that thought blinds you from everything else. Believe me, Clary. I know a thing or two about this. That boy is not good for you. He'll be bad influence and ruin your future." she stood up, "I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. Why do you think I'm divorced? Because I made stupid decisions. I was blinded by what I thought was love. And look what happened." But I didn't believe her words. I knew I was right, it was a gut feeling. I didn't give up. I stayed with Jace, proving her wrong in every way I could. It must have made her unhappy when I didn't obey her words. And as a punishment, we moved.

It was her way of telling me to call it off. Either that, or go on and suffer a long distance relationship. I was torn between the two choices. I was seriously leaning towards the long distance relationship option but I knew that would never work out. We would just break up anyways. We would be unable to find time for each other, get annoyed, stop talking, and eventually just drift away. In other words, it was the same result no matter what I picked. So wouldn't it be better to just end it face to face? I came to my decision. I told him about a month before I moved. I had told myself to prepare for the worst, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that, when the pain comes…you're still unprepared nonetheless. And that's how it was for me. A blow in the head I wasn't ready for.

_Flashback:_

_I'm not ready for this. I can't do this._

_I have to do this. It's for the best. It's for him. Just say the first word and then you know you can't turn back._

"_Hey…"_

_He turns around and flashes me one of those innocent smiles that I love. "Hey, Clary." Just the sound of his melodic voice makes me want to just fall and cry on the spot._

_It makes me cringe as I realize he has no idea what's coming his way. It breaks my heart to imagine that brilliant smile disappearing and possibly never be seen again._

_I smile a little, _Can't turn back now… "_I need to talk to you…"_

_His smile falters, just a little. "Yeah?"_

"_We need to stop." I blurt out. My voice cracks a little._

_He looks taken aback, "Huh? What's that suppose to mean?"_

"_I can't do this with you anymore. We need to stop. End it."_

_He gives a dry chuckle, "Come on, Clary…You're just kidding, right? Don't joke around about this stuff…". He trailed off as he saw my dead serious expression._

_I turn my head to the side, unable to look at him as I speak. "No joke."_

"_Hold on, Clary-". He leaves his sentence hanging._

_I've never seen him sound so helpless. But I go on nonetheless, "I need to stop. This isn't working." I debate as to whether I should say my next words. I do, just to attempt getting him to move on, "I should have known this was never going to work out in the first place. I was stupid."_

_He looks dumbfounded. I go on, feeling like with each sentence, I'm tearing his fragile heart into more and more tiny pieces. That's why it hurts. Because I know that under his tough shield of sarcasm and loudness there's a heart more shatterable than the rest because of all the times it's been stomped over. I still go on though, nonetheless. "We're…done. Okay? We're over." I feel tears forming, but I tell myself harshly that I can't cry. Not now. Not in front of him._

_His hurt face kills me as he asks, "I don't get it. Why? Why? I thought we were fine."_

_I feel the need to scream so he'll just shut up and walk away and quit being so persistent, "We were never fine, Jace. I should have known." I let out a shaky breath before spitting out my last words or lies, to be more exact. "We weren't meant for each other. "_

_I never thought I'd ever say those words to him. I know he wasn't expecting anything like this. Each word was like a bullet shooting through his heart. The pain so fast and sudden you don't even realize it until you're dead. Just yesterday, we were laughing together at the park, competing who could swing higher on the swings. And now, I can't even imagine ever doing that with him again. He looks as if I'd just told him I hate him, which I didn't but I'm pretty sure it's the same effect._

_But at the end, he pulls himself together and whispers me, "I…just…I don't understand. How did this happen? I thought…I thought everything was fine." Each word that tumbles out of his mouth makes his voice tremble more and more until it seems like it'll just break. I don't reply to his words, because I don't know the answers he's seeking. I don't have the words to comfort him. He looks up and stares into my eyes. He opens his mouth to murmur a few words "Are you sure…? You're sure there's no chance?" I don't give him an answer, he just continues to stare into my eyes and that gives him more than enough of an answer. "But just tell me one thing, do you still love me?" Those last words kill me. It's like he saw right through my lies. I can't reply to it though, I'd never be able to turn my back and walk away if I did. But the answer to that simple question is obvious; I don't even have to think about it for a second. Still, I just can't say it aloud. I know I can't, so I walk away hoping he'll know that my answer is a definite yes._

More than you can ever imagine...

_End of Flashback._

I don't know how that scene came to be. I was planning to tell him the truth. Have a mushy breakup. Let him at least know that I still loved him. I never planned to make him think what I said. I didn't want him to think I hated him. Because I don't. But a part of me knows that it's better this way. Have him think I hated him. Have him move on. Cut off all the strings that connect us.

After that day, we passed each other in the hallways without a glance. We talked, if we have to, as if we've never talked before. We sat next to each other, if we have to, like the other wasn't there.

Some of my closer friends didn't let this slide. Aline never stopped trying to get me near him. Simon wouldn't stop asking me if I was actually okay with what happened. And Isabelle, being Jace's sister, just wouldn't let us be apart. I felt like a broken record repeating the same phrases over and over again, "Yes, I'm sure I'm fine." "I'm totally over it." "I don't even care anymore."

I had no idea what they did but they somehow had our history teacher pair us together for a project. I remember feeling tears threatening to fall as he read off our names. I wanted to forget everything. I truly wanted to throw the memories that haunted me away. But we were forced to work together. We had to talk. Collaborate. Think together. Help each other. And those were all things we both knew we couldn't do. But we somehow did. The pain was unbelievable. We had worked in silence, muttering a few words when giving suggestions, and carefully working while staying a foot away from each other. It hurt so much to work in together alone in silence. It makes your mind compare to what could have been happening. All that laughter, joy, love, and cooperation. It burned my heart when I reached for a marker near him and instead of picking it up and handing it to me; he moved his hand away to make sure we didn't touch. The fact that we were so close, yet seemed so far away tore my heart into pieces. Ever since that experience, we haven't spoken a word to each other.

If you want to ask me how I've been, I've been holding it together. I try to forget everything. But you can't just forget those memories that you loved so much. They're engraved in your mind, whether you like it or not. Forgetting is not an option. The more you try, the more things there are to remind you of him. A music stand even reminds me of him because of his talent on the piano now. The loss is overwhelming. I feel lonely walking home from school without his hand interlocked with mine. I feel terrified when thunder strikes and there's no one to call to comfort me. I feel worthless when I see couples together because I couldn't prevent my own breakup. And sometimes the pain just crushes me completely to a point where I can't control myself and I have to excuse myself to the bathroom where I cry with soft, muffled sobs.

I'm trying not to let my mother see how much this is effecting me, though part of me wants to cry and break down in front of her just so she can see how much pain she has caused me. I've been eating just a tad less, my grade has been going down about one or two percent per subject, I'm sleeping half an hour later than usual and waking up 10 minutes before school starts. Small things, but a mother can see those things. And that's good enough for me.

How has _he _been? As far as a normal person can tell, he looks normal, acts normal, talks normally, so nothing _looks _too wrong. But if someone who knows him well watches him closely, you can see he rarely talks to girls anymore, hardly participates in class nowadays, doesn't use as much sarcasm, and usually isn't the center of attention anymore.

I try to ignore the burn marks I see on his fingers. I try to believe what he told his friends. That he just accidentally burned himself while trying to cook himself some food. But I can see through that lie just like glass. The real reason is so obvious. He did it to distract himself. He did it to relieve the breakup pain. He did it maybe to even punish himself for doing something he never did; to punish himself because he thought he was the reason we ended. It makes me want to run up to him, tell him it isn't his fault, care for his wounds, anything. I just want to be there for him and help him, not be here watching him and knowing everything was my fault.

I think he tried to get together with some girls afterwards but he just never seemed interested. They were like mere objects to let him get through his pain. Not that they care, they're satisfied being able to say, "I dated Jace Lightwood for a day." Not one lasted for more than a day because I'm pretty sure Isabelle scared them all away. And to be honest, a selfish part of me likes that. However…He's back around his group of girls that use follow him around before he told them to leave when we got together. I don't really like them; they just want to be with Jace for his title. That's just not right... But I have no right to influence his life right now. I don't even have the right to talk to him. I'm the one who broke his heart. Ha, well, I guess I can say, "I broke _the _Jace Lightwood's heart."

We moved a month after all that. I never told him, just trusted that a friend would tell him when the time was right. I wait for a day when we might talk again. When he might find my contact buried deep within all his other ones, press it, and send me a text. But what are the chances?

I don't care. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

I was sad when the news was fresh. It burned when the wound was still new. But now it's slowly healing. The pain still comes if I touch it gently, but I can live through that pain. The wound will heal eventually, but some wounds like this one leaves a scar. I will glance at it every day to be reminded of the pain. But one day, I will realize that the pain was worth it. If I had to get this wound to get the experience I got, I guess it's worth it. If I got a chance, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Because having that experience was better than nothing at all.

Because the memories will stay with you forever.

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**So, I posted a poll on my profile for a continuation(ish) thingy for this story. So it'll become a two-shot, multi-chapter story, a songfic or whatever you pick. If you liked this one-shot, please vote! :) Thanks!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah ha ha...hey guys! Lemon Berry here. Um, here's the second chapter I promised you guys a while ago. I hope you enjoy it!**

Forever

Part 2

Jace's POV

It was such a normal day. Not incredibly sunny, not freezing cold. I didn't have extremely bad luck, nor did I have everything I wanted. What I'm trying to say is...I'm a typical person and it was a typical day. Everything seemed normal, so normal I never expected what had happened.

I was simply walking through the hallways with my buddy Alec and my books in my hands when I encountered Clary. She had cautiously tapped my shoulder lightly, despite her height, and stood behind me. Her mouth was set in a straight, stubborn line and her eyes were hidden by her hair especially since she kept her head down. Clary didn't look me in the eyes but I could tell by her lack of movement that she meant to talk to me. A serious talk.

_"Hey..." she says.  
I turn around, slightly worried because of her depressing tone, but masked that with a comforting smile to let her know I was ready to offer my help to whatever problem she had. "Hey, Clary." I turn to my left to ask Alec if he could give us some alone time, but there was no need. He had already left.  
Clary returned my smile with a small one of her own, "I need to talk to you..." I unconsciously suck in a breath because when someone starts a conversation with those words, it's never good.  
"Yeah?" I say reluctantly. I have no idea what is being thrown at me right now, but one thing I do know is that I do _not_ want to know whatever she's going to tell me.  
Her next words come out in a rapid blur; she seems a little shocked to hear them come out herself. "We need to stop."  
I was scared that this was where the conversation was heading. I feel like I'm driving a car with broken brakes. I want and need to stop so badly, but I can't. I wish for a miracle. A nearly impossible miracle. "What's that suppose to mean?"  
"I can't do this with you anymore. We need to stop. End it."  
A childish part of me wants to think "End what?" I tell myself she's probably joking. I mean, I joke around with her all the time so it'd make sense for her to want to get revenge on me for making a fool out of her. Still, isn't this a bit too cruel? "Come on, Clary…You're just kidding, right? Don't joke around about this stuff…" I trail off as I see her dead serious expression. This was truly happening. She turns her head away from me, "No joke."_

_I take back my words. This is a serious problem, alright, but it's not one I can help with. Because I am the problem. I just stand there, dumbfounded. I quickly run through our recent texts and encounters. Nothing out of ordinary had happened. Nothing could prove to be a reason of Clary's outburst. I don't get it. Nothing made sense. My world was crumbling right in front of my eyes, yet my feet wouldn't move. I just stood. Stood and watched helplessly._

_"Hold on, Clary-"_

_She cuts me off and keeps talking, "I need to stop, this isn't working." She opens her mouth as if to say more but decides against it. Then her mouth reopens, "I should have known this was never going to work out in the first place, I was stupid." _

_I stare at her, stunned. I could not understand. Just yesterday, if any stranger saw us, they'd be able to tell all we needed were each other. No one would have thought the loving couple swinging on the swings would break up the next day. _

_Still, there was one thing I didn't get. Though her eyes were set and determined, there was a certain sadness that lingered, as if my own eyes were being reflected into hers. What if she doesn't actually want this? What if there was a secret purpose behind this that I didn't know of? _

_I bite my lip, knowing there's no way out of this. It doesn't matter what Clary's true intentions are, we're still going to break up. And knowing that, I whisper what I knew would be my last words to her, "__I…just…I don't understand. How did this happen? I thought…I thought everything was fine." I can hear my voice trembling, which shocked me. But the shock was barely a tickle compared to the punch that was given by Clary's words. I finally look into her eyes and say what I need to say because I know her mouth won't give me an honest reply – if any reply at all – but her eyes will. She flinches a little at the sudden eye contact but looks back at me, bold as always. "Are you sure…? You're sure there's no chance?" She doesn't open her mouth to speak, so I go on. "But just tell me one thing, do you still love me?" She sucks in a breath when I say that. Those words contradicted all that she said. It was as if she just realized that she gave it all away. Clary looks away, before turning away completely and walking away. I watch as her small figure disappears into the crowd of loud teenage idiots. I watch as the love of my life walks away from me. _

Being I, the great and mighty Jace Lightwood, our breakup didn't go unnoticed. The girls obviously took it as a gift from above, those idiots never consider me. They never consider that they're treating me like an object; as if I have no feelings. As for the friends of Clary and I, they were utterly shocked. And they looked so devastated. I mean, what are we? Their OTP? I bet they told (begged, more likely) our teacher to assign us as partners for a project. I don't know what they did, but it happened. Clary and I had to work together. And we somehow did. To be honest, the few words we exchanged during that project probably wouldn't add up to the amount of words we'd say to each only on a daily basis when we were dating. The project basically put us into a room where we'd ignore each other and just work silently. I kind of enjoyed being near Clary's presence like this again, despite the obvious awkwardness. Though I didn't let that show. If she asked me a question, I'd reply with a few words as possible. If we actually had to collaborate on something, I'd make it quick. If she got too close to me, I'd move away a little. And most importantly, I'd keep my face clear of any emotion: betrayal, sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, whatever it was, you wouldn't find it on my face. I would try to act oblivious to the quick flashes of pain that came and left her face. But really, who can ignore them? I definitely can't.

My group of idiotic selfish fangirls have started following me again. It's annoying, really. And that's all girls are gonna be from now on. Once you've experienced the best, you want it. You know something that grand exists so you won't be satisfied with anything else but the best. It's like Clary's the sun to my world – there's only one that shines so brightly. None of the stars can outshine the sun – the difference is just too great. However…the sun of my world has burned out.

I burned myself once by accident. It was purely accidental. The day of our breakup, Izzy asked me to help take her cookies out of the oven. At the moment, my brain was dead – I didn't want to do anything, must less help Izzy take out her inedible cookies. I reached my hand directly into the oven without mitts or anything. Just my bare hand reaching in to grab the cookie tray. When the pain registered, I heard Izzy's scream just as I retracted my hand – that being the fastest and most active movement I had made that day. I stared at the red spot on my fingertips and palm. It hurt so much, yet felt surprisingly good. For a second, I was distracted from my romantic issues and became more alert. I kind of just stood there staring at my hand – even as Izzy frantically pulled me to the sink. From then on, the burns became an escape. They were short and temporary and easy to mask as accidents. For most people at least. I could feel the burning questions in my parents' eyes. I could sense the pleading in my siblings' eyes every time I burned myself. I could see Clary's eyes catching quick glances at my hand in between classes.

Speaking of Clary (aren't I always speaking of Clary?), she seemed to be doing alright. No major changes, but there were a few minor ones. She would often show up later to school than usual and barely eat anything during lunch. But they were minor. Maybe she just wanted to get more sleep. And maybe she just wanted to become skinnier. Not that I see any reason why she would want to or need to. But I keep thinking that, to prevent my mind from exploding.

All my questions were answered the day Clary disappeared. I walked into history class and didn't see her at her usual seat. I dismissed my own worries thinking that Clary was probably just sick. But then what happened next had told me otherwise.

Simon came up to me at lunch hissing the words, "We need to talk." I knew this dude didn't like me, but the feeling was quite mutual so I didn't care. My point is he wouldn't talk to me like this without a serious, important reason. What could that reason possibly be?

Flashback:

"Well?" I say, clear impatient, "What do you want? I'm pretty sure you're not here just to experience the glorious Jace."

Simon glares at me, but it quickly leaves his face. "I'm serious. This is important."

There's only one thing Simon would come up to be to talk about, "Important? What is it? You want me to help you pass some level on your stupid game? Come on-"

"It's about Clary."

Those words effectively shut my mouth. I told myself I would not pull my hair out for this girl. I told myself I would stop caring. I told myself there was no love between us. But who am I kidding?

"Yeah?" I feign nonchalance, but even after years of hiding my true emotions, I couldn't stop my voice from giving away my agitation and curiosity.

"She's gone." I suck in a breath. Simon seems to realize his mistake as he quickly adds, "She moved. She's no longer in New York."

I had so many questions to shoot at Simon, each as important as the other, making me want to combine them into one big blob and hope Simon can decipher it; but I keep my questions to myself for a little bit as I slowly begin to connect the dots.

Clary never wanted to end anything.

I repeated those words in my mind, making sure I didn't add or leave out any important words. No. It made sense. I should have known. What kind of girl just randomly comes up to you and requests a breakup after showing no symptoms beforehand? Definitely not Clary. She knew she was moving all along. She broke up with me so we wouldn't have to be like those cliché dramas where the couple tries to keep their long distance relationship going, yet just end up breaking up.

I exhale and close my eyes for a second, trying to process all the information.

"Why? She could have just told me she was going to move. I would have saved both us so much pain and me so much confusion."

Simon shrugged, averting eye contact, "Maybe she thought this way you would stop feeling attached to her."

I look at him in shock, "I have never stopped feeling attached to her. She is on my mind pretty much every second of the day." My voice cracks, "I can't stop thinking about her, Simon. I kept wondering why she broke up with me and I couldn't think of a reason."

Simon just sighed in reply, "Look, she didn't tell me much, okay? But she told me her mom suddenly told her they were moving to Los Angeles. I'm sure you know her mom didn't like you much, and Clary concluded that you were the reason her mom made them move. And I guess…Clary…just…thought it would be better to break up with you in person than try the long distance relationship." Simon looks down, "I miss her, man…"

I close my eyes and run my fingers through my hair as I heave a sigh, "So do I."

After school that day, I sat at my desk scrolling through the contacts on my phone. _Clary Fairchild. _It's still there, after all this time. I stared at the contact, unsure what I should do now that I've found it. Do I call her? Do I text her? Does she even want to hear from me after all this time? Maybe I should just continue this silence between us, I mean, Simon kind of lightened the pain.

I shook my head. It's been long enough. I can't keep hiding from this.

With shaky hands, I pressed her name and then sent her a quick text.

_Hey Clary, remember me?_

**How was it? Hope you liked it, because this is the end of Forever. I will not be writing anymore. **

**If you liked it please follow, favorite or review because it means a lot! If you liked this story, please check out my other ones! Thanks for reading!**

**-Lemon Berry**


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